A Fear of Change

As the summer term weeks role on I begin to have conversations about next term with my community of practice. What's amazing about the first thing I notice is the fact that I get offered projects the next term very easily now from my current teaching posts and I am definitely 'in the loop'. This is something that happens over time and gaining loyalty as a freelance teacher can be hard. I find myself automatically planning what show I will direct next and how I will improve my classes.

However, I realise I'm not going to be there. In september I go to Goldsmith's University as a full time student. This reality hadn't sunk in before as much as it is now. As I begin to think about the conversations that I will eventually have to have, concerning the fact that I will have to move on from all my current teaching positions, is both sad and scary. Sad because as a passionate practitioner, one gets attached to building an artistic dream that infuses creativity to young performers. Also, scary as for the first time since the age of twenty years old, I will return to being a full time student.

I realise that this change is about investment into my practice. Still, I notice a certain fear within and this makes being at the leading edge of this current change challenging. Ah well, better make a few cuts, from now on it's baked beans on toast for dinner, well perhaps I'll enjoy the summer first!

Lost in the wilderness of Professional Practice

My head has be completely, all absorbingly in my inquiry. From Studies, Work and blogging one had to suffer. I realise how hard it is to keep blogging, when I find myself under such pressure to write the critical review and start thinking about the artefact. My head is all over the place and I don't know where to begin. Hence my blogging took a pause for  a moment.

Still, it's great to find a moment and use my blog to reflect on where I am. Nervous about feed back and constantly working on my artefact. Though familiar territory, none the less, difficult. 

What fascinates more so than any other module, is the fact that all of us, though on the same course, are having an individual process and our inquiry has carved the different places we are at now.

How is it going for everyone else?

Reflection: My Professional Voice

I just got home from Barcelona. Having made contacts for work in Munich, I had a last minute invite to be a performance judge for Dance World Cup Spain also. It was a fantastic experience full of performance and young artistic passion.

As I sat sipping my cortado in the sun in a cafe in Saint Pere, I pull my journal out and begin to reflect. I used the flight to continue working on my critical review, but thought it was high time to reflect and tune into my learning. I wanted to share the following journal entry.

I met the group of Spanish practitioners I will be working with today, it all started of very polite and nice and we all agreed on ideas that emerged about performing arts. As the day went on, it was discovered that we all had a particular expertise and this was the reason we were all there, to give perspective on the results of the panel. At the end of the day, we all sat in a meeting and began to express our ideas for what defines a good performer. This was interesting, we all had very different voices on this subject. What I recognise now, is my ability to stand on my own feet with my ideas, feeling brave enough to challenge ideas I don't agree with and remain critical in my listening to ensure I have an open, developmental attitude to learning new ideas. This is a change in my thinking that I definitely link to my studies here on the BAPP course. Before I would have probably followed the status quo, but now I have developed a professional voice that people understand not only within my community of practice, but beyond.